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Old 03-10-2006, 04:31 PM   #1
Platinum
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Questions you just can't answer....

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough?

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we're here to help others, what are the others doing
here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things down on the ground?




Did you ever stop and wonder......


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say: "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"


Who was the first person to say: "See that chicken over there... I'm
gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that it burns the toast to
a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the toilet is?

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look up there anyway?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??


If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets cross
with you, but when you take him on a car journey, he sticks his head out
of the window?

Does pushing the button for the lift more than once make it arrive
faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
place?
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Old 03-10-2006, 05:05 PM   #2
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OK, had a go at this for yah. hope ive helped you out a bit Plat. excuse my poor typing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Platinum View Post
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?
because babys are considered pure and fully at peace with the world. no hang ups. nothing to be stressed about

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?
becuase if you press harder you also press longer and some times it does actually then work

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
yes

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?
because they have no way to actually check the amount of stars but the paint is right in front of them .alsom depending on the sort of paint a lot of paint dries with the same shine as wet paint so it is difficult to tell

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough?
because negative figures exist

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
becuase you can hardly go buy a pack of dirty needles. and reusing needles may not work if it ever blunts (not sure too much on this one)

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
because he is a fictional character

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
so the enemy doesnt suspect what they are about to do

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
depends on what would be considered normal temperature. if normal temperature is 20 degrees then tomorrow it will be minus 20 (clutching at straws here)

If it's true that we're here to help others, what are the others doing
here?
help you

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?
what sort of a question is this?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things down on the ground?
because when you are high you can have no obstructions. you hardly go up and then look straight down and if you do you are retarded. you look at things on the horizon that you may not have been able to see before due to another great big building being in the way



Did you ever stop and wonder......


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say: "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
those pink dangly things are the same things every woman uses to feed her babies, and also the cow feed its young with them. cows milk contains a lot of good nutrients and calcium and is plentiful so using it as a drink, despite being evolutionarily (that even a word) incorrect is a good idea

Who was the first person to say: "See that chicken over there... I'm
gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its bum."
noone. however they probably did see an unfertilised egg break and wonder if they could eat it. im sure it wasnt a matter of waiting for it to take a crap and getting lucky

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that it burns the toast to
a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
because toasters can be used for other things such as waffles, bagles, and nowadays 'hot pockets'. also, frozen bread takes longer to cook

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the toilet is?
its called tact.

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look up there anyway?
so you dont feel any more unconfortable about the whole situation than necessary.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
yes they dream. if they can see it will not be anything like we see as they dont know what things look like to start with. i would imagine it depends whether they were born blind or not. if you were made blind by an accident or illness later in life you would still see on your dreams

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
also quizzical. stupid question

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Mineral Oil, Fragrance and depending on the brand may also contain Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E and Acetate,

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
no

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
doubtfull

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets cross
with you, but when you take him on a car journey, he sticks his head out
of the window?
that nothing to do with dogs. thats the same with us too. think of someone blowing in your eye and tickling you compared to a fan on your entire face when you are hot. stupid question.

Does pushing the button for the lift more than once make it arrive
faster?
no but it makes you feel better in the case that possibly your original push didnt register

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
place?
becasue platinum got bored before he reached the end so just pasted it all here without proof reading it
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Old 03-10-2006, 06:21 PM   #3
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Rep for teh monger but i prefer this answer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Platinum
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No, but in your case we can make an exception ...
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