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Enrique Muffpuncher... The rising star of Worcester.

Posted 07-06-2008 at 12:15 PM by Gaza

As the gathered media shared whispers of excitement in the press conference room at St. George's Lane, Worcester City's latest manager was finally unveiled to the public after months of intense speculation had gripped the whole nation.

The little known Argentinian manager Enrique Muffpuncher was the surprise successor to Richard Dryden, having never managed a proffesional club before and with a somewhat questionable past many critics claimed this move was simply a publicity stunt and the long-term success of the club would be put in jeopardy by this maverick of a manager.

In his playing days Muffpuncher was a regular starter on the left wing for his native Boca Juniors, he however never gained an international call-up due to a failed attempt to start a civil war in his homeland. However it is believed the sole reason Muffpuncher moved to England was to escape charges of extortion, trafficing and racketeering from the Argentinian government for whom Muffpuncher worked for briefly as a double agent in the '72-73 close season.

Despite the off-field politics surrounding Muffpunchers arrival, performances on the pitch justified the risk of employing a suspected war-criminal as head coach as Worcester achieved automatic promotion from the Blue Square North division in their first season.

With a record 32 goals in his debut season from Scottish striker Kevin Smith, pundits are already decribing him as the new Fernando Torres, despite him being a year older than Torres.

In his second season in charge, and with the moral-boosting news that Muffpuncher had been cleared of any involvement in the 9/11 attacks, Worcester City had a very positive season winning the Setanta Shield, and only losing in the play-off finals to the lottery of penalties against a somewhat inferior Mansfield Town.

After the final of the Setanta Shield, the Worcester City supporters club demanded a statue of Muffpuncher be erected outside St. Georges Lane, and the board duely delivered as a 12 foot statue of the great manager now stands proudly at the gates of the stadium (the statue is currently under questioning for 3 counts of sexual assault)

As Muffpuncher embarks on his 3rd season in charge, moral is high at St. George's Lane and fans are expecting promotion following the two previous landmark seasons.

The saga continues.
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